Hey there, hot stuff.

And other facts he shared with Jay Leno.

The 10 most obvious reality show one-liners.

Winehouse hospitalized. Not surprising, really.

Beyonce loves the sequins!

How to rock the oversized flannel.

Ew, Michael Lohan, EW!

Which bitch wants him more?

The main reason any of us watch The Hills is because the lives of all those pretty people in L.A. are more exciting and dramatic than our own. They go out to fabulous clubs, they eat at the best restaurants, they drive the nicest cars and they hang out with the prettiest people.

And they get into bitch brawls at the bar.

But, to be honest, the big fight between Jayde and Kristin last night at The Playhouse was nothing compared to the ones I’ve seen in real life. Not to mention, I’m getting quite sick of The Playhouse. Why is that the only bar they’re going to? What happened to Le Deux? H-Wood? That sh*thole Stacie used to work in?

Anyways, I understand fighting over Brody Jenner – he’s a fine piece of man-meat – but fight like you mean it, women. Throw some punches! Pull some hair! Break a bottle over someone’s head! (Sorry, I’ve just always wanted to see that in real life.) Do something instead of using words that you know MTV is gonna have to bleep out.

We all know that Jayde knows how to get in a real bar brawl; she did it just last month with Joe Francis. Why couldn’t she bring some of that heat last night? Seriously, what does a girl have to do to get some real drama around here? You better step up your game, Kristin Cavallari and co., or I’m gonna have to knock you out of my rotation to make room on my DVR for The Ruins. At least I’ll see some blood. Lord knows I’d rather see that than Brody’s mom’s thong hanging out of her jeans. (Didn’t notice it? Lucky…)

But it’s all OK. Despite the lack of chick fighting (and an unfortunate view of old-woman booty), there were two very key moments that made last night’s episode of The Hills worth watching: Read More »

I know more about these women than I do about our forefathers.

Every Friday I head home from work, tear off my bra, put on my biggest pair of sweatpants, order in Pad Se Ew and settle in for a night of TV. Lame? Maybe. But get back to me after you’re working 60-hour weeks in the real world. Friday nights on the couch are sacred.

Last week, as I fired up the DVR to catch up on all the shows I’d missed from the week, I had a rather enlightening moment. Sorta like an Oprah “aha!” moment, only way more embarrassing. My entire DVR was taken up by reality shows. Top Chef, Project Runway, The Real Housewives, Ace of Cakes… Hell, I even had a little Real World/Road Rules Duel on there.

I looked around to make sure none of my neighbors could see my TV through the windows. I mean, I know I like me some crappy TV, but this was just mortifying. My entire life revolves around watching train wrecks on camera! But maybe it’s not that sad? I mean, everyone loves themselves a little trash now and then, right? Those shows are on for a reason. And some of them are actually really good! Maybe not anything on E!, but we can all learn a thing or two from The Biggest Loser, right?

Right?!?

To make myself feel better about my addiction (and my sad, lame life) I asked the CollegeCandy writers to share their reality TV faves this week. You know you got one, too. Share it in the comments! Read More »

My Tuesday nights typically look like this:

After class I put on my workout clothes and head over to the gym for a 5pm yoga class. When yoga is over and I’m good and centered (and quite limber), I head home, cook myself something healthy (last night it was chili…good thing that happened after yoga) then run to my friend’s apartment to get inspired by The Biggest Loser. And drool for Bob. And when that two hours is done and I’m feeling happy, good and healthy…I come home and watch The Hills.

Which makes me feel shallow, angry…and in the mood for something unhealthy and dipped in chocolate.

I know that no one is forcing me to watch this sh*tshow, but no matter how annoying it has become, I’ve been watching these kids since the beginning and I refuse to quit now. Mama didn’t raise no quitter! But that doesn’t mean I don’t hate all 22 minutes of it. Two of which (yes, I was timing it) were taken up by long and angry stares last night.

I guess my main problem with the show these days is that MTV isn’t even trying to convince us of its reality anymore. It’s like they know we’re hooked so they don’t even try to explain anything. Whereas it used to be that they claimed these kids were living their real lives in their 20’s and MTV was just along for the ride, now no one works, but everyone seems to live in giant houses and drive around in $80,000 cars. Read More »

Much like my relationship with pie (love the pie…hate the 3 hours I spend in the gym after eating it), I am experiencing a bit of a love/hate with Irina. On the one hand, she’s a Jew (and a proud one, flaunting it in all its blingin’ glory) and we Jews gotta stick together. If we don’t support our own people, who will?

And homegirl sure knows how to make a faux fur vest. That thing was gorgeous. Although I might be biased considering it was a blustery 38 degrees and rainy when I got home last night. But, still, I wanted to make Irina my new BFF and cozy up inside that vest until April. Or, in the Midwest, July.

But, and there’s always a but, Irina is a big, fat bitch. She’s arrogant, she’s mean, she’s judgmental….and just like 40% of the girls in my high school. The girls I gave the finger to as I pulled out of the parking lot that last day and swore never to see again. The girls who pretend to be confident only to cover up some raging insecurity. Perhaps Irina hates the annoying way she talks? Or she was on the flag team in high school and never got over it?

I don’t know, but she’s a cold-hearted snake.

Although, I guess you can’t totally fault this girl for the things she says. She’s kinda like Kanye (minus the whole Hennessey thing); she is simply saying what everyone else is thinking. And maybe if she was a bit wittier in her insults (a la Michael Kors) we wouldn’t care who she was talking smack about.

And we all know there is plenty of smack to be talked with some of these designers. Read More »

When asked to choose their top goals, a survey of 18 to 25-year-olds yielded staggering statistics.

81% said: to get rich.

51% said: to be famous.

I don’t know about you guys, but this makes me squirm in my seat just a tad.

Sure, it’s understandable that a large number of people want to have a fat wallet and their face plastered all over newspapers. Actually it’s a little too obvious. Our generation certainly boasts an embarrassingly high number of public figures with absolutely zero talent or reason for being there. Just think about it, some of the most famous celebrities are reality stars who got famous for being normal people on national TV and occasionally throwing in a fist fight, indulging a cocktail binge or going through an incredibly messy divorce to spice things up.

With these figures being glorified by our society, of course there are going to be those who want to follow in their footsteps and get their 15 minutes. But aren’t these numbers a tad bit high? The main goal of 81% of college students is to be rich?! What about being happy? Having a family? Improving the world in some way?

Are we just lazy? Is that why the life of the rich and famous looks so appealing? Or do people actually consider “famous” an appropriate fill in for the blank next to “occupation”? Read More »

Don't be tardy for the party. And Pay me $10,000 to be there.

Lately I’ve been trying to come up with some get-rich-quick schemes in order to keep me off the streets and support my addictions – shopping and sushi. Short of throwing myself in front of a moving vehicle, I’ve really been struggling to find an easy way to make a ton of cash. But apparently, in this day an age, all a girl has to do is invest in some hair extensions and an upgrade in boob size in order to make her millions.

No, I’m not referring to prostitution. Unless that’s what you consider the girls on the VH1 series “Rock of Love Bus” who make $1,500 per personal appearance.  So I guess my new life plan should be: take part in a ridiculous reality series, make my way onto the D-list next to Kathy Griffin and then rake in the cash by going to fabulous parties and charging for it.

I just want to know one thing, who in their right mind would pay Johanna Botta from The Real World Austin $1,000 to hang out with them? She may be a former Miss Peru, but you’re in America now, Joanna. That’s not how we roll.

And another thing; disregarding what she makes per episode on the Real Housewives of Atlanta, did you know that gold digging, man stealing, “Tardy for the Party” singing Kim Zolciak charges $8,000-$10,000 per personal appearance? (Editor’s Note: I’d pay that much NOT to be in a room with that mess. Unless she’d perform live. Then I’d pay that fo sho.) Well of course these women are going to be rich and fabulous wherever they go; Bravo pays them thousands of dollars just to show up! Kim needs another skin-tight, boobie-poppin’ dress to match her new wig? No problem, just show up at some random party and demand payment. Read More »

Anyone else feeling horribly overwhelmed by the sheer amount of TV on these days? It seems like only yesterday we were watching Crossroads on HBO because there was nothing. else. on. And now? Now our DVR is on overload and we have to cancel plans with our friends to fit it all in.

Case in point: tonight.

I was supposed to be hanging out with a boy I like, drinking the vodka I like and, hopefully, ending up in the position I like, but I had to cancel. Why? Because The Hills is back! I’m not missing out on an evening with the people I love to loathe for some guy.

He’ll be around tomorrow, but The Hills season premiere will only be on once.

Ok, so it will probably be on 1,000 more times this week, but I need to see it now. It’s bad enough I had to wait all summer watching reruns of Parental Control; I can’t wait another minute.

And in honor of the big return, I’ll be live-blogging the whole shebang, from Natasha Bedingfield to the scenes from next week. I’ll be covering the introduction of Kristin Cavallari, the return of now-married Speidi and those annoyingly long commercial breaks full of ads for Axe and the upcoming season of The Duel: 48.

So come back to this here website at 10 PM ET to watch with me. Who knows? Maybe if I’m feeling extra lively, I’ll stick around for the snoozefest known as The City. Maybe. I’m not sure even Olivia Palermo/Whitney’s wardrobe choices can motivate me to sit through that shiz for another season.

“The Ultimate Hatelist” posted a list of things they assume we, the ladies of the world, like that they think are ridiculously stupid.

Okay, so maybe we do get a little excited if our horoscope says we have a romantic interest in our near future (the guy from Bio, maybe?) and a little frozen yogurt is totally refreshing on a hot day. Okay fine! Maybe we do love a lot of the things they list, which also include brunch (how fun is a mimosa date with the girls?), reality TV, and making t-shirts (we’re bonding okay?!).

But we don’t really think men should be judging, especially with the laundry list of stupid shit they like.

Read More »

So, yesterday was a bad day. A very bad day.

My dog was put to sleep.

I had a feeling the time was coming – my little Bichon was 15 years old – but hearing my mother tell me that my childhood pet was gone was shockingly painful. And unfortunately for me, none of the hundreds of people that I saw as I walked from the library to my apartment could hear what was happening on the other side of the call…and only saw me sobbing/wiping snot from my face with the palm of my hand.

When I finally did make it home, I was numb. People were calling to check in on me, offering to take me out. I really wanted nothing more than to sit on my couch and cry into a box of tissues, but then I realized I only had paper towel and after a few rounds of sobs into that sand paper, I realized I needed to get out of the house. I needed to distract myself and the only thing that could do that was TV. Reality TV. Project Runway.

So, I met up with a friend for martinis and some quality PRW. I knew that Tim Gunn, Heidi Klum and Epperson could cheer me up, or at least keep my (now hazy, thank you martini!) mind off of things.

Yeah right. Fast forward 53 minutes to judgment time and I’m sobbing once again.

Last night’s challenge was to design a costume for a Hollywood film. (And, obviously, that weird L’Oreal Paris guy was there to pimp his makeup.) The designers had to choose from a few different film genres and create a character, a story and a look within that genre. Tim pulled names out of that little velour (of course he’d have velour!) bag of his, which decided what order designers could pick their genre.

One by one the genres were nabbed up. Last to be picked: Western. It was like the fat kid on the kickball team at recess. (Read: me.) Poor Western, no one wanted it. But it got its vindication later when both Shirin and Epperson created some kickass costumes. Read More »