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Did you catch the girl on girl action on The Bachelor last night?

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Jenna Burke, one of the 25 women on this season of The Bachelor, is a self-proclaimed “over-analyst” by hobby and blogger by trade. Last night I was sitting at home reuniting myself with Chris Harrison (oh, how I’ve missed him!) and the amazing chaos that can only come from putting one single man in a room full of drunk, also single women. One of the best parts of the first episode is getting to know the contestants — model, teacher, dentist…there’s always a dentist, food lover, carnival enthusiast, aspiring cat lady. As you might guess, it made me jump for joy to see a fellow blogger being tossed into the ring for a shot at love.

It took me no time at all to whip out my trusty laptop and pull up Jenna’s site, TheOverAnalyst.net. Glancing at her home page, I almost had a heart attack. This was not a blog. Not a real one, at least. “SHAM!” I cried to myself, “She’s a SHAM!!” When I noticed the “your default text” place holders instead of posts (pictured above), I searched for an explanation on Jenna’s About page. Surely there had to be some sense behind this madness. Here’s what I found:

“I enjoy analyzing. It’s one of the things people may consider a problem, yet it’s one of the things I really like to do. I think it makes us more interesting and leads us to new discoveries. Overanalyzing happens because you really have a deep interest in learning about life, the good and the bad. I embrace my desires, I feel inspired and I witness the beauty.” Read More »

Oh reality TV, how you have gotten me through many a rough patch in my life, many a break up, many a late night binge fest…really any low point in my life. I’ve been with you since the first Real World appeared on MTV, to the horrible escapades of a young Jessica Simpson, I’ve seen it all.

However, in the last year or two you’ve taken a turn for the worst. For instance, how could you let the regular fame hungry people who star in your shows rub elbows with Justin Timberlake…I’m sorry but that just isn’t right. Not one bit.

In hopes to rekindle my love with you, I’ve prepared a list of my favorite old shows, some of which are still on the air. Let us please forget the mistake of letting the Kardashians’ have ten shows, seeing Jon get hair plugs and giving people who spray tan daily their own show. Read More »

Justin Bieber says he is not the father.

Taylor Lautner’s gone indie.

Is it possible to drink alcohol and still lose weight?

We’re willing to bet this guy’s going to be your next celeb crush.

Wait, isn’t this just Twilight with zombies?

Adele receives the full-body treatment on the cover of Cosmo.

The next Bachelor is announced. Does anyone care?

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I love as reality shows as much as the next gal, seriously. I can’t tell you how many hours I’ve spent watching Project Runway or Rock of Love marathons, but let’s be honest, there are some reality shows that might have been fun to watch back in 2001, but now they’re just overdone and need to find a place in the TV graveyard (right next to Living Lohan and Daisy of Love). Read More »

Here’s something you probably never thought you’d see.

PopEater has spotted Heidi Montag, Jake Pavelka, and Danielle Staub filming together in Los Angeles. What were they filming? No one knows. Apparently details about this production are “being kept under wraps.”

But that doesn’t mean we can’t make a few guesses, does it? Come on, let’s think. What do these “stars” all have in common? They’re reality TV cast offs. They’re hated. They’re really, really desperate to be famous. And well, that’s about it. Unless Jake Pavelka is secretly a woman. (Which actually wouldn’t be all that surprising with all the crying he did on The Bachelor…) Read More »

Dear Brad Womack,

It’s no surprise that back when it was announced you were going to be our bachelor, I was not a happy camper. You were a repeat offender, having been on The Bachelor once before and left not one, but two girls without a proposal. You seemed needy, immature, and a little slippery- basically the carbon copy of any drunk guy I’d meet on a Saturday night on the sidewalk outside the bar after last call. Except you were sober, I was sober, and I still found you that unappealing. God knows how much I thought I’d hate you once things got boozy in the Bachelor mansion.

And at first, you lived up (down?) to my expectations. How many times did you tell us you were a changed man? For crying out loud you brought your therapist on the show just to prove how “in this thing” you were! Call me skeptical, but it looked like a lot of smoke and mirrors covering up a still-damaged man. The fact that you shamelessly made out with all of the girls, openly spilled your woes in exchange for affection, and quickly developed strong feelings for multiple women made me all the more suspicious of your dedication to a very serious, extremely important, Chris Harrison Approved reality dating show.

Did you not get the memo that the emotional well being of nine out of ten midwestern housewives rested in your hands? Did you think you could hand out roses willy nilly? This sh*t is for real, dude! Read More »

Hey ladies, this is me reminding you to turn your clocks ahead one hour tonight. Because it’s daylight saving time and we’re losing an hour (Spring ahead. Fall back. That’s how I always remember it.), and if you forget to make the change that means you’ll miss MTV’s rerun of Thursday night’s episode of Jersey Shore, and you’ll just be really, super disoriented for the whole day.

But that’s not even the worst part, the worst part is that we really are losing an hour. One whole hour of our lives! Granted, we’ll get it back in the fall, but I don’t want it back in the fall. I want it now! I mean, I had plans! Big plans, I was going to… Read More »

Dear Future Men I Date,

Last night’s episode of The Bachelor made me aware of one glaring fact about myself: Despite what I might drunkenly slur while curled in the fetal position on the bathroom floor, I won’t actually go to impossibly great lengths to get a man to like me.

Yes, I know there are desperate moments. They usually come along at 3 a.m. when I’m six drinks in and everyone seems to have a special someone to booty text but me. I’m not above admitting I’m familiar with the scenario, but regardless of how pathetic I’ve felt in the past, there are just some things I will not do for love. Granted the list is long, but darling bachelor Brad Womack has made it clear that some points deserve mentioning.  Listen up, fellas, because I’ll never…

F*ck you in a tree house. Especially if it doesn’t have a bathroom, a place to put my luggage, or any walls…even though you have the balls to call it a “Fantasy Suite”. Listen, buddy, my fantasy isn’t to get malaria from one of the million creepy crawlers roaming the African wild. Where’s the nearest Hilton? That’s where I’ll be enjoying an umbrella drink while you fend off the monkeys trying to spoon with you. Read More »

Oh Shawntel, you just had to go and put Brad on the embalming table, didn’t you?

Last night’s hometown date episode of The Bachelor proved to reveal the very interesting, very…unique…sides of each of the four remaining potential Mrs. Womacks. From Shawntel’s cringe-inducing awkwardness to Chantal’s expanding (food) baby bump, the night was full of unintentionally hysterical twists and turns.

Seattle, WA
Okay, so am I the only one who thinks Chantal is newly sporting a significant gut? She’s not fat, not by any means, but suddenly she’s walking with her stomach pushed out and arms swinging in a monkey-like fashion. Perhaps she caught some National Geographic special on the mating rituals of gorillas and decided to take tips from the Jane Goodalls of the world.  Who knows!

Also, I didn’t previously realize Chantal’s family lives in a replica of the Bachelor mansion. Or that she owns the Mr. Winkle.  (God, she must make a fortune off all those calendars he’s been in.) Brad “I’m in this for the right reasons” Womack was definitely impressed by the posh digs and celebrity canine connections. Now I ain’t sayin’ he’s a gold digger…

Middle of Nowhere/We Love the Honor System, ME
Ashley, your town is bizarre. Your gravy fries are questionable. Your vegetable stands do not make fiscal sense. Your family is bizarre and clearly trying to sell you into marriage. Why is everyone so enthusiastic!?!?

When your father took Brad into his shed/garage/office and gave him the ol’ talkin’ to, I thought for sure he misunderstood the concept of the show.  It looked to me as though he was trying to strike a deal with our bachelor and was one step away from pulling out his checkbook. You don’t want kids? There’s an up-charge for that sh*t. You want to stay in school? Sweeten the pot a little more, Dad.

Finally, Brad thought “si” was the French equivalent of “yes.” Just wanted to point that out. Read More »