"Your looks are distracting to male coworkers. Move back two spaces."
There's other Marlins in the sea.
Screenshots will come back to haunt ya.
And HIS friend gave him up.
You can't make this up.
Lesson learned: Do NOT drink coffee before a date.
"'The thing with stand up comedy is it's just like sex with your misses - it is just better if you let her get on with it on her own."
This is my new favorite Twitter account.
It’s really shocking what messages and images are approved for advertisements.
It turns out your textbooks have a lot more uses than just education.
No, I'm not talking about Starbucks.
It takes a lot of balls, figuratively speaking, to be sarcastic.