No one's getting booty in this room. Trust.

It’s the Scout Motto: Always be prepared. But I don’t think my Girl Scout troop leader was referring to booty calls when she ingrained that piece of advice into my head.

On a college campus you never know who you’re going to meet… and then want to take back to your room… to get to know each other better. The last thing you want is to bring a suitor home one night and have them leave the next morning without their wallet because it’s lost in a sea of your dirty laundry (true story). Or worse, bring them home and have them remember they have “somewhere to be” (at 3 a.m.) after spotting your My Little Pony collection on your nightstand.

Being prepared for spontaneity may be an oxymoron, but it has safely guarded my dignity and late night encounters thus far. Here are a few life tips I have adapted in my quest to divide and conquer, without letting those boys see my Spanx. Read More »

Every week, CC and John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution!Leave your own overheard convos in the comments or send ‘em over!

(Two students, hunched over books in Starbucks.)

Girl 1: Pith. That means ‘courage,’ right? Like ‘full of pith and vinegar’?

Girl 2: I think that’s ‘piss and vinegar.’

Girl 1: I guess I’ve only heard it said by gay pirates.

(Old people sitting down in a restaurant.)

Old Lady: Oh, in my industry, we only have one joke. Customers ask, ‘Which vacuum is the best?’ And I say, ‘Oh, they all suck.’ Ha!  Ha ha ha!

Other old people: Ha ha ha! Read More »

Whenever I’m feeling lonely I do one of two things:

1. I put on sweats, grab a blanket and settle in front of my couch for the day/night/month.
2. I eat a box of Oreos smothered in peanut butter.

Ok, I’ll be honest – I do both. And usually polish off the jar of pb with a spoon.

I used to think that those nights made me feel better because of the intense sugar rush all that quality programming (read: Food Network challenges) distracted me from my personal issues, but a new study is saying that watching TV actually cures loneliness.

According to a series of studies performed at the University at Buffalo and Miami University of Ohio, people feel personally connected to the characters they watch on TV, so much so that it is like they are actually a part of whatever is going on week after week. These “relationships” fulfill them (much like my Oreo/pb combo fulfills me) and their need for personal contact.

So, basically, my long stints in front of the TV take away my loneliness not because they are distracting me from it, but because I feel as if I am right there with Bobby Flay cooking up a 6 course meal with a crazy secret ingredient in 60 minutes. And we are totally BFF.

I can sorta see the truth in this – lord knows I talk about LC and Audrina like we are all living together and crushing on the Brodester – but it all seems so sad. Do people really think that they are part of Blair Waldorf’s latest scheme? Do they really stop questioning the fact that they have 9 cats and a crazy knitting hobby because they feel so close to Pam and Jim on The Office? Read More »

[Every week, CC and John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, saddest things he hears on his college campus. Join the Overheard revolution!

Leave your own overheard convos in the comments.]

A man and woman are speaking. The man gets down on one knee:

“I’m not your father,” he says.

“… so then Grandpa just started breaking all the furniture!”

“Yeah, this is why we can’t have a dog.”

“Going to Dunkin’ Donuts. You want anything?”

“Yeah, get me some Dunkaroos.”

“Dude? Really?”

Furious 12-year old girl: “Seriously, the reason critics didn’t like the Twilight movie was because it wasn’t true to the book!”

“Becky got Snorlaxed last night.”

“What?”

“Her roommate sat on her while she was sleeping.”

“Oh.”

“You flip omelettes so gracefully.”

“Shut up, you big vagina-nuts!” Read More »

I know what I’m asking for this Christmas! Lord knows I need some practice before my real cat lady days set in. Sigh.

Whenever a boy that we like doesn’t call, or does call and says something like, “Your early morning beer bongs are really not attractive,” the same thought crosses our minds:

Must buy cats.

And then fear washes over us as we realize that we might one day become this woman. God save us.

Yes, that is correct, I am destined to be one of those women. Feared by children and cats for companions (of course my personal choice would be books and alcohol instead of animals, not so high maintenance), I am only one more lovable feline pet away from becoming a Spinster.

I am 20 years old and I have never been in love, nor have I any desire to one day marry or bring children into this world. After much consideration of past relationships and basic encounters with men, I have decided that the only way to lead my life now is to become a Spinster.

Of course I’ll still maintain relations with men, but I’ll know that only the physical side of things will be involved.

By now, you probably think I’m some cold-hearted cynic, but I assure you I’m not. I am a genuinely nice person.

I’m also not gay. That is not denial. I’ve already been through a phase of questioning my sexuality.

This epiphany occurred to me one Saturday while walking to town for an unplanned window-shopping excursion. I had my usual inner monologue running in my head, which was mainly about the events of the previous night. It had been a usual Friday night and the beginning of the long awaited Easter weekend. The agenda for the night was to begin the weekend with a small pub crawl. The final stop of the night was at The Canterbury Tales, which is the last pub to close in town. We were enjoying ourselves, drinking and conversing the night away, when suddenly out of nowhere a group of in-line hockey boys surrounded us. Read More »

Do you like to put stuff on your cat?

That random question headlines an even odder website, stuffonmycat.com.

What is this website all about? Well, it’s a little place in cyberspace dedicated to pictures of cats with stuff on them. Cats with teacups on them, cats with shoes on them, cats with baby clothes on them…just pictures and pictures of cats covered in stuff.

It sounds strange, but once you go there, you’ll find it hard to look away. Most of the cats are adorable. Some are freaky. All of them have owners who have found time to throw things on top of them. Read More »