We’ve seen them all: Sh*t Girls Say, Sh*t Black Girls Say, Sh*t Gay Guys Say, etc. There a have been tons and tons of videos uploaded to YouTube in the past couple of weeks that have truly made us laugh, and mainly because they are so relatable (my favorite being Sh*t Single Girls Say). But what goes up, must come down, and I think it might be overkill now. I don’t know about you, but it’s getting a little tired, and I think it’s time to put these videos to rest. So I have complied the best, the worst, the funniest, the stupidest, the hilarious, and the completely inaccurate all into one post. Get it all out now, guys. This is your final binge on Sh*t ____ Says videos. Enjoy!
It’s happened to the best of us. We go on two or three seemingly perfect dates with the guy we’ve been obsessing over for the longest time, and then…nothing. No phone call, no texts, no anything! All communication ceases, and we’re left wondering what the hell happened? Automatically we switch into it-must-be-my-fault mode. “Was there something in my teeth?” “Maybe he didn’t like what I was wearing?” “Is it because I ate like a slob at dinner?” “Am I a bad kisser?”
Then we turn to our best friend for advice, and of course she proceeds to ask you the very same questions you asked yourself. As the cycle of self-incrimination continues, we realize we’ve taken the guessing game way too far, far to a point where we almost don’t even remember what the guy in question even looks like anymore.
Then one day, I got sick and tired of the blame game and decided to come up with my own reasons for why guys don’t call us back.
1. You know what they say, girls mature faster than guys do. So in this case, he prematurely assumed that I was looking for a wedding ring and an indefinite life commitment that sent him running scared.
2. He’s a jerk.
Okay so maybe my list is a bit premature. This guy seems to have all the answers though! He’s a dating and relationship coach who has finally revealed all the reasons why guys fall flat on the communication tip. With all of us girls playing Guesstures all the time, it’s refreshing to hear what a guy has to say about why they won’t call back. Read his thoughts here.
My favorite holiday has always and willalways be Halloween (well at least until Super Bowl Sunday is finally acknowledged as a national holiday).
I mean, what is not to love about Halloween? It is a night of pure debauchery devoted to stuffing your face with Twix’s and candy corn without guilt, wearing the sluttiest of slutty costumes without shame, and inevitably hooking up (a man in a mask? yum.) without judgment due to all the socially acceptable scantily clad outfits.
Halloween is basically one long session of foreplay. Only bummer about the best day of October is the walk of the shame the next morning. Maybe you thought the Lady Gaga costume was a good idea for the 31st, but you may not think so while you’re walking home the next morning in a bright blue pantless body suit with smeared eyeliner and glitter all over your face.
So to avoid being the solo slut this Hallow’s Eve, dress up in a group costume with your friends so you can walk home together.
Group costumes are interactive, more creative than the insert Sexy in front of anything costume, (ex: sexy nurse, sexy teacher, sexy plumber, sexy firefighter, sexy scuba diver, sexy nun?), and ideal for a quality Facebook profile pic.
So here are our top ideas for this year:Read More »
Ever feel like you’re the only one sitting on the couch, mindlessly staring at the TV with no idea what’s going on? Are phrases like “point conversion”, “fumble” and “fourth down” completely foreign to you? Well have no fear, here are a few simple things to keep in mind so that you can keep your head afloat during College Football Saturdays. Grab the chips and dip, and prep yourself for kickoff!
To start off, here are some fun facts about football. The field is measured in yards, 100 yards long, but 120 including both end-zones. The Pittsburgh Steelers have won more Super Bowls than another other team in the history of the NFL. The ’72 Miami Dolphins are the only team to achieve a “perfect season” (meaning no losses throughout the entire time), though the New England Patriots had a perfect regular season (their only game loss was in the Super Bowl itself) in 2007. It began based on the rules of rugby and soccer combined, but the first real football game (the way we know football now in the USA) was played between Princeton and Rutgers in 1869 (Rutgers has since commemorated the game field by making it a big, beautiful… parking lot). I could go on and on with boring stats and scores that are floating in my head, but I promise that I’ll spare you.
Unfortunately, there isn’t any technology to translate exactly what John Madden is muttering about while he comments on the game, but if you’re lucky enough that he lets someone else get a word in edgewise, here are some basic terms that can help you navigate the game like a pro.
Week after week (after week after week…), CollegeCandy and our pal John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, and saddest things he hears on his college campus. And we know he’s not the only one who hears this stuff. Join the Overheard revolution! Listen in on some weirdos’ conversations and share them in the comments or send ‘em over. You know there’s a lot of funny things to be heard on your campus, so get to it. We’ll throw them in a future post!
(Girl, on the phone.)
Girl: Lil Wayne was in my dream last night! Yeah. He had a farm. No, I mostly just made fun of his voice a lot. “Hey, girl, who knew we’d have so much in common?” And I was like “Lil Wayne, I had no idea!”
(Professor, heard from outside a chemistry lecture hall.)
Prof: Okay. Now, imagine you’re all molecules. Good. But I hate molecules! Uh-oh, really bad!
(Two girls, talking at a library study table.)
Girl 1: Were they at least cute?
Girl 2: The girl was a cute Latina woman, but the guy had a scum-stache. I had to turn up my Walkman to drown out the squelching noises. Read More »
When I was a sophomore I lived in a quad in my sorority house. That meant 4 girls, 45 pairs of jeans and over 100 pairs of shoes stuffed into a very tiny space. With bunk beds. The close quarters were an issue when any sort of studying had to get done (“Can’t you wait until after 90210 is over to start that paper?!”) or heavy drinking was going down (“Dude, there is not enough room in here for you to do the worm…”) but we made it work most of the time.
And then we had a date party.
For those of you who don’t know, a sorority date party consists of asking guys to join you at a bar where everyone gets very, very drunk. Kind of like any other night of the week but with dresses and a photographer.
Anyways, needless to say, my roommates and I got quite intoxicated. Upon returning to the sorority house, everyone proceeded to leave their men outside and completely pass out fully clothed. I was pretty much dead to the world when I suddenly woke up out of my sleep; something smelled really bad. It took me awhile to figure out where I was, why I was still wearing heels, and why there was a slice of pizza in my hand, but when I finally came to I realized that my roommate (whose bottom bunk was a mere 4 inches away from mine) was also sniffing the air with a not-so-happy look on her face. Read More »
Guys can benefit from acting like a lady. At least that’s what our friends over at YourTango.com are saying. They argue that men should embrace some “girly” trends and we most definitely agree (especially when it comes to manscaping….a little clean up never hurts).
But the same can be said for women. And I’m talking about more than landscaping.
There are some aspects of the manly lifestyle that we women should embrace. Mindsets and activities that will make us happier, healthier (well, mentally at least) ladies. So here are just a few ways that channeling our inner macho man can enhance our daily lives.
Boys night.
There has to be a reason why guys are always so relaxed, and why your boyfriend calls you after a guy’s night and doesn’t have aching arches and raccoon eyes. While we all love girl’s night out, and the stiletto dancing that comes with it, we could all use a more relaxing night once in a while. Get the girls together and head out to a bar, order a bucket of wings and some beers, and chat the night away. You might be surprised how much bonding (and relaxing) can be done in a big booth in the back of a dive bar. Read More »
Week after week (after week after week…), CollegeCandy and our pal John bring you some of the weirdest, funniest, and saddest things he hears on his college campus. And we know he’s not the only one who hears this stuff. Join the Overheard revolution! Listen in on some weirdos’ conversations and share them in the comments or send ‘em over. You know there’s a lot of funny things to be heard on your campus, so get to it. We’ll throw them in a future post!
(Two girls in the dining hall.)
Girl 1: God, I am seriously the best wing man ever!
Girl 2: Well, who’s your wing man?
Girl 1: (Pointing to her breasts and shimmying) I’ve got two.
(Man, woman, waiting in the lobby of a hair salon.)
Man (looking in mirror): What do you think? It worked for Wolverine, you know.
OK, not necessarily bad per se. But definitely looked down upon, like we’re being foolish for not wanting to experience “the pleasures of life” you non-virgins always talk about.
You may not think we know, but we know. We know those looks you give us when we’re all hanging out together and we start talking about guys. And by “you,” I mean the one who goes out, gets drunk, and hooks up. After you go on and on about the guy (not the boyfriend, but the guy of the moment) you met last night and how good he was in bed, you all of a sudden cast us a very familiar look. That patronizing, pity-filled, I-can’t-believe-you’re-not-doing-it-you-don’t-know-what-you’re-missing look. The eyebrows scrunch a little and the lips pout a little, and maybe the arms reach out to give us a little hug. The consoling eyes seem to say, “It’s OK, sweetie. You’ll find someone someday!”
Well, maybe I don’t want to find someone. At least, not in that way. Not for just the night. Not for just sex.
You might think I’m crazy, but I know that until I have found the one I’m going to spend the rest of my life with, I’m not going to settle. I don’t just want to pick up some random guy at the club, spend a meaningless night together and have my final image of him be his back heading out the door. Read More »