Hey Dude,
I’m a junior in college and last year I started dating one of the most amazing guys ever. He and I have been together for over 6 months now. Last month I told him that I loved him, because I do. I am absolutely in love with him.  His response? “Thank you. That was very brave of you.”

It’s been a month now, and he still hasn’t told me that he loves me, yet he’ll say it with complete ease to his male housemates, as some sort of parting phrase.  How can he say it so easily to them, and not be able to say it to me? Will he ever say it? Or am I just wasting my time on a man who can’t bring himself to
love me?

All the best,
Waiting Read More »

My roommate has recently become obsessed with the new Weezer song and she’s constantly shouting, “Girl, If you’re wondering if I want you to, I want you to,
 so make a move, (Make a move) ‘cos I ain’t got all night.”

This has led me to some contemplation on how hard it actually is to make a move on someone, and how annoying and awkward it can be while you’re waiting for them to make a move on you.

We’ve all been in way too many situations where we’ve been talking to a cute boy all night, but the party’s dying down and we can’t tell if he’s gonna pack up his things and head home (alone), or pucker up his lips and go in for the kiss (or, you know, put his hand on our butt…something!). And you know he’s feeling just as anxious, because he can’t tell if he should risk making the move too soon and scaring you off.

So you just sorta stand there…talking about cheese.

Of course, as Weezer exemplifies, this situation can easily be reversed. And I’m all for that. It’s time to stomp out the awkwardness of making/waiting for a move. It’s time to take matters into our own hands, and to take those matters with confidence and ease.

How can you let him/her know you’re ready? Read More »

Hey Dude,
Could you clue me into “boy world”? I have been told (thank you He’s Just Not That Into You and pretty much every romance book and movie out there) that the guy needs to do the asking. So we very impatient girls need to give out our numbers and take theirs and then not call them.

This is so, so hard to do. Say you meet a guy and dance, hook up, and talk to him. He seems majorly into you, you exchange numbers and then doesn’t call. Yes, I know that he’s probably just not that into me, but is it really wrong to call or text him? And the three day rule – do guys actually know and abide by it or are all of these things that girls made up?

Thanks so much!
-Danielle Read More »

My dearest Cosmo has always had a special affinity for body language analysis (I think they’ve done Speidi like 6 times). Now they’re taking it to the next level and making it all easy, convenient and user-friendly for you!

Cosmo understands the trials and tribulations of dating, especially when we need to figure out the bizarre and complex behavior of the male species.

Finally fed up with trying to decipher a guy’s body language to decide what he’s really trying to say (as opposed to, ya know, listening to him), Cosmo has provided the ultimate guide to date night body language. And, naturally, they made convenient tear-out cards (because your date totes won’t notice you squinting to read them under the table).

Cosmo Says: If he holds his beer loosely by the neck, it means he’s confident–but cocky, “it gives off the vibe that he’s too cool to be concerned with the risk of dropping his Bud.”
Kari Says: Hm, I’d never thought of it that way. Then again I’ve never really taken the time to study a hot guy’s precise style of drink-holding (I’m usually too busy checking out his hair, eyes, smile, biceps, etc). This particular method of holding a beer tells me he doesn’t want his hand to be all clammy and gross should he need to shake hands – not that he’s necessarily a douche bag. For that tip off I would look for a guy clutching his Jaeger bomb tightly so he won’t drop it while he’s fist pumping. Just sayin’…

Cosmo Says: If he pushes his drink onto your side of the table, he’s subconsciously trying to bond.
Kari Says: Alright, I’m down with a little bit of bonding. I just hope he doesn’t change his mind after I proceed to drink whatever he’s sliding toward me. My interpretation of anyone moving alcohol within closer proximity of me is that I should drink it – quickly. But maybe I just play flip cup too often.

Cosmo Says: If a guy licks his lips, he’s trying to wipe a lie off of them.
Kari Says: First of all, this sounds like it could be stitched onto a pillow somewhere in my Gramma’s house.   Second of all, I have heard the lip-licking lie detector test before (Lie to Me is one of my new fave shows), so this interpretation may have merit. But what if he’s just thirsty? Or in dire need of some Chapstick? What if he’s thinking about other things he’d like to lick later? All I’m saying is that I wouldn’t be so fast to jump to conclusions about the nature of such a sexy move (when done correctly, of course – otherwise it’s just creepy). Read More »

My boyfriend and I had our first fight the other day and it was harsh. I’m not any good at fighting; the second I sense confrontation I shrivel up inside. But what made this fight SO hard was the fact that it was done long-distance.

LDR’s have their pros and cons, but fighting is a definite con. Why is fighting so much harder in long-distance relationships, and how can we make it easier?

You Can’t See Each Other

A good percent of communication is nonverbal. Body language and facial expressions are essential to understanding another person’s intent. When you fight over the phone, as in an LDR, you lose these important aspects and things can come out much harsher (or nicer) than you intend. To help remedy this problem, speak clearly and honestly to make sure you both truly understand where the other is coming from.

The Silent Treatment Is So Much Easier

All you have to do is hang up the phone, or refuse to answer in the first place. It’s a tempting thought when you’re really upset, but you’ll never resolve the issue without communicating. The best advice I can give you is don’t hang up! It’ll just upset you both more (your partner will be upset you hung up and you’ll be upset if they don’t try calling back). Talk through the issue and refuse to cut off communication until some agreement has been made, even if its just that you’ll talk it out more later. Read More »

Blonde is my natural hair color. I rarely drink this much. I’m enjoying being single.

We all lie, in some form or another. We lie to our parents (it’s not a hangover; it’s a stomach bug), our teachers (I’m late because the bus was delayed, not because I forgot to set my alarm), our employers (it’s my mom’s birthday, not some girl in my hall’s 21^st) and our sexual partners (you’re the best I’ve ever had!).

Lying to someone you’re sleeping with is dangerous territory, though. By lying to them, you could be endangering their physical (or mental) health. Which lies are OK to tell, and what things do we have to fess up too?

Lie: I’ve never worn this lingerie for anyone else.

Verdict: OK. We all have a favorite pair of lingerie, and we’ve probably worn it with more than one partner. After all, good lingerie is expensive, and we shouldn’t have to throw it out just because a relationship ends. But your partner probably doesn’t want to know what you wore last time you canoodled with someone else, so it’s okay to keep that information to yourself, or fib a little if it comes up.

Lie: I never slept with [insert friend here].

Verdict: BAD. The truth will come out eventually, and it will not be pretty. How would you feel if you found out one of your partner’s close friends was actually someone they used to sleep with? It’s best to have this information up front. Read More »

Hey! You! Got a question?! Do as so many of you have done already and send Tuffy Luv a blooping email!! TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com and all that. And now, on with the show.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I can’t believe my bad luck. Every time I think I meet a nice guy, and give him my number – I’m disappointed. This same situation has happened over and over, and it happened again last weekend.  We met each other at a party of a mutual friend. This is the night, as it happened: We’re introduced to one another and have a great conversation talking about my major, his plans for the summer, my year abroad, his trip to Scotland….everything. And it was so refreshing! We talked for hours, laughed together…and there was a sweet kiss at the end of the night. He gives me his number (I didn’t have a phone yet, because I just returned from a year abroad), and he says he would love to take me out to dinner sometime. He whispers into my ear “Please, don’t hesitate AT ALL to call me,” and I say “okay, I’ll call.”

He sends me a Facebook message the next day and it’s those 2 words again, “CALL ME.”  He even tells another guy friend that night that that I’m “beautiful” and he’s “really interested” in me. I waited a day or so and gave him a call, left a message….and never heard back (this was 5 days ago). Part of me wants to believe he’s busy or he’s away but I know that’s not the case and the reasonable side of me says HE LOST INTEREST, YOU IDIOT! But, I don’t understand! Why, if he had no interest, did he volunteer all of that. I didn’t go to the party looking for a boy; I’m completely happy on my own. I don’t mind being single at all, but the fact that he sparked an interest in me, be it fake or the real stuff, is the MOST frustrating thing, EVER. Read More »

Everyone in this world needs a little help when it comes to understanding and interacting with the opposite sex (especially if you want your encounter to have a “happy ending”).  Thankfully, there’s a whole slew of self-help books out there for that very subject.  Unfortunately, it’s a double-edged sword.  For as many extremely witty and helpful books that exist, there are also those that seem to exist purely to make my life more difficult (as in all those geektards from my English 101 course freshman year who suddenly think they have game and try to get all up on me during happy hour).

Browse any website or bookstore and you’ll find things that defy explanation.  Really, who publishes these things?  Who thought it would be a good idea to publish guides on how to get laid more quickly?  There are enough frat boy a-holes in the world already, why create more?  Why aren’t there books on how to be more sensitive? Or, how to shut up and do what she says? (Just kidding, but you see where I’m going.)

Here is just a taste of some of the dribble out there. Beware of the boys wielding these books – things are bound to get ugly.

Copy, Paste & Bang! – This is a book, ostensibly, about making online dating work for men.  As in, making an online dating profile and getting laid within a 24-hour period.  After perusing the text and the reviews, I have come to the conclusion that this is a manual for internet predators.  The product description says it all:  “Copy, Paste & Bang! was written for one simple reason: to help regular guys meet women utilizing the Internet and to get you laid.“  Uhh…does anyone have Chris Hansen’s number?

The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists - I hate you, Mystery.  And you, Neil Strauss.  Why would you take a perfectly adorable, shy, and socially inept computer geek and turn him into a douchebag player??  What a waste of resources!!  This book promises to teach men the secrets of picking up women in as short a period of time as humanly possible.  Awesome.  This way, men don’t actually have to get to know the women they’re about to sleep with.  Saves time, no? Read More »

I figured this is a great time for a relationship self-help post. Summer is coming to a close and with that comes the end of summer flings. Maybe it was the extreme heat or all the margaritas, but, you REALLY believed that it would last with that fantastic guy. And now, one of you is going back to school and even if you promise to stay close, long-distance can be tough.

So, I’ve found a book for all you victims of the summer fling.

Often, relationship self-help books focus on clever ways to meet men. You know, the art of the wingman, etc, etc. However, for most of us, the problem is not meeting men – it’s meeting NICE men. And maintaining a relationship with these nice men. And that’s where JM Kearns steps in.

His first book “Why Mr. Right Can’t Find You” was of the typical relationship self-help type and focused on meeting men. But, with his next book, he steps up his game and goes to a place few relationship self-help experts are willing to go. First by healing your broken heart… then, after you’re feeling good, telling you what you’re doing WRONG.

The book is written in two parts. Part one is titled “Repairing the Effects of the Breakup.” No matter how long a relationship is (even one week – ya, I’ve sadly been there), the breakup hurts like hell. Even if you cant admit it, you’re ego is damaged and recovery is necessary! Kearns maintains that before you can start a new relationship, you’ve got to nurse your heart and build up confidence. And when you’re ready for step two, you can move on and learn from your relationships. Read More »

Question for Tuffy? Email TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com and get it answered, girl!

Dear Tuffy Luv,

Tuffy, I am so sick of men. I mean it. I just can’t take it any more. They all just break my heart. I’m in college–isn’t this supposed to be a time when it’s fun to just meet guys? Dating is horrible and I never meet anyone good anyway, unless I do and then they always just ruin it somehow. I seriously thought about experimenting with women but my lesbian friends say girls aren’t any better. I think I’m just going to swear off love forever. Please tell me I’m wrong.

Out of Love

Dear Out of Love,

You’re wrong.

No, for real, though. Honey, you are WAY too young to swear off love. When you’re old and you only eat prunes and have no teeth, then, and only then, if you’re alone, give me a call.

The question you should ask yourself is–why? Why does every relationship, every date turn out so awfully? Are you dating the wrong kind of guys? Lots of girls date craptastic guys because they feel like they deserve it or because they think they can fix them. Girl, ain’t never been no one can fix a bad man. Period. Read More »