Never mind a day….I’m having a bad hair week. I took out my full head of weave during spring break. One of the reasons I decided to weave last year was so that my hair would grow. Due to stress and a crappy diet (I blame you, Chipotle!), my real hair was starting to break off in an obvious way. I was only going to use the fake hair for the summertime since it was easy and low maintenance. I’m not saying I had 18-inches-all-the-way-down-my-back tracks, but it did make my hair look longer, fuller and healthier. Little did I know, I became a track addict.

My weave became more than a supplement. I felt like it changed everything about me. My eyes looked bigger, my lashes were more lush, my cheekbones were more pronounced and my lips were smoochable. My weave made me feel like powerful – I’d toss it ‘round and ‘round like Willow Smith on steroids. Since I felt prettier on the outside, I felt prettier on the inside as well. With that weave in my hair, I was more confident then I had been in a while. I didn’t realize how much I relied on it, how much I felt I needed it.

Similar to the skin complex problem, hair is an issue that’s debated globally as well. Long, luxurious locks have been a consistent standard of beauty throughout the years. I’m glad that’s changing, though. Many black women are going “natural”…cutting off their chemically relaxed hair in lieu of short dos that will bloom into crazy, sexy curly fros in due time. I’ve been amazed at the “transitioning” process that I’ve witnessed in friends and classmates, but tossing out my preconceived Rapunzel logic is tough! When I was in the land of the permed people, I was afraid to let go of my split ends because my hair had a little bit of length to it, albeit was damaged length. Actually, my hair has been a security blanket of sorts. I hid behind it when I had my shy days, I showed it off when I had my sexy days.

Some girls refuse to leave their homes without their faces made up with foundation, concealer and mascara. Others might feel empty without earrings in their ears or a bracelet dangling from their wrists. And how many of us pretend to text or email on our phones during awkward social situations?

Relying on “extras” for an added boost of confidence is on the growing list of personal changes that I’d like to make. As fourth grade ABC special as it may sound, beautiful is skin deep. I can’t say that I won’t get a weave again, but while it’s out I’m committed, to embracing the girl behind the indi remi.

CollegeCandy, do you have a “security blanket?”

When she’s not watching for Blue Ivy sightings or doing some serious Facebook creeping, Khalea moonlights as a print journalism major at the REAL HU, Howard University. Follow her on Twitter at @letsbeKHAlear, or feel free to Twatch. Whatever works for you.

[Lead image via Andresr/Shutterstock]

I firmly believe that Candace Bushnell was thinking about little ol’ me when she created the character of Carrie Bradshaw. Loosely speaking, she has lots of what I want in life – she’s a spectacular writer, she has several books under her belt, friends, a closet to make Vogue staffers weep and a playground of men (pre-Mr. and Mrs. Big, of course). She’s fictional, but I don’t care. She’s fabulous. One of my favorite episodes of “Sex and the City” is “Ex and the City”…right before Big and Natasha’s wedding. Before gallivanting into the Central Park sunlight in her Jimmy Choos, CB dropped a quote that’s been on my mind for a while:

“Maybe some women aren’t meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free ‘til they find someone just as wild to run with them.”

Pause. Does Carrie mean that it’s…okay to be single? That I’m not supposed to do the searching? That I’m just supposed to wait around until 2032 for this mystery man? Read More »

There’s an old joke/myth/we-hope-it’s-a-myth that a woman learns everything about a guy within 5 minutes of meeting him to decide whether or not she’ll f*ck him. Well, guess what, ladies? We can learn a lot about you in 5 minutes, too! Whatever you think you’re revealing, there just might be a few things you’re putting out that you may not even be aware of. But we’re aware of it. Here’re 11 things we notice within 5 minutes of meeting you:

initiating the gallery...

5 minutes can tell you everything you’ll need to know about a person…regarding whether you can stand to spend another 5 minutes with them. But beyond the obvious physical traits, there’s a lot to be discerned, deciphered and delved into. Every guy has things he automatically looks to identify when he first meets someone. And every guy’s tendencies are different. What I’ve given you is a playful taste. Don’t be surprised if you see a Part II of this Dude’s List somewhere down the line. But now I want to hear you turn the tables. What can you tell about us in the first 5 minutes?

Tick, tick, tick,

The Dude

I’m the Dude with a blue box called the Tardis that allows me to explore the ends of time and space-wait that’s another guy with a ‘D’ sounding name isn’t it? Better than that, I’m a Dude that knows the inner workings of Dudes and I’m ready to spill all, whether you’re ready or not. Send your question over to askthedude [at] collegecandy [dot] com.

In the middle of my sophomore year of college, a tall, charismatic boy with a shock of blonde hair confessed to me that he thought I was intoxicating and very pretty. Unfortunately, this assertion came in the wake of a poorly hewn explanation of his current opposition to dating anyone, despite having expressed days before, after a dinner date, that a relationship with me was his ultimate goal.

I met Jacob* at the beginning of the school year, but didn’t get to know him until early November. He was forward but gentlemanly from the start — getting my number, inviting me places, telling me he liked me, asking if he could kiss me (I declined for reasons to be discussed), taking me out on a date, baking for me — all in the space of about two weeks. I told him repeatedly that I liked him and liked getting to know him better, but that was all I knew. I didn’t want to entertain ideas that might not come to fruition. The attention was nice; however, as someone who’s prone to crushin’ hard, I try to appraise dating situations objectively. Others sometimes misrepresent themselves (some don’t even have your best intentions at heart) and trusting too easily means getting hurt later. This was the right perspective to have, but I didn’t realize soon enough just how much I didn’t read into his exclamations enough. Read More »

Relationships have always been tricky, from the very beginning of boy meets girl. At the start there was the dilemma of who do I torment and how because I like them so much, then in college there is the how many times am I going to have to lurk around the science building to see that guy from last night question. Ah, romance: ever-changing but always pretty uncomfortable.

Here are the five stages of romance according to yours truly… Read More »

Since I started college a lot has changed. I went from doing all my class readings in advance to cramming them in right before the final.

I went from playing it safe with a cranberry vodka on the weekends to a nice scotch at the end of a particularly trying weeknight.

I went from crushing on different guys (all with the same bad boy attitude) to dating guys from all ends of the college major spectrum. In high school we were labeled by our extracurricular activities, from the football stars to the choir geeks to the French club sluts.

But in college, our majors are our labels. And because your major says a lot about you, I’ve decided to put my own major (journalism) to work and tell you which majors you have to date before you graduate.

The Music Major:
Because who doesn’t want to be a seriously smoldering musician’s muse? But before you cue the swooning, let’s dig a little deeper because, after all, with a musician, that’s what you’ll be getting: depth. Put the stereotypes of John Mayer and what he may or may not have done to Taylor Swift aside because while a musician tends to get a bad rep for being a bad boy, he’s more than your average player. He’s deep, insightful, genuine and not afraid to tell the truth. He’s the kind of guy that you can stay up all night talking to and never once think to check the time. He’s supportive and caring.

The catch? The usually shy and independent music major tends to keep to himself so you’ll probably have to make the first move but believe me, when he’s serenading you outside your bedroom window, you’ll be glad you did. Read More »

Ah, dating in college. The highlight of any higher education: from laughing at his jokes in math class to the walk of shame from his frat house to your dorm. Despite all that romance, if you’re feeling a lull in your romantic life, here are seven creative, cost-effective campus dates to spice things up. Read More »

I, Courtney, am an online dater. Many of you probably find this weird considering I’m in college, a place filled with more available men than a single woman could ever dream of, but I’m finding it’s more common than you think. The truth is, people just don’t want to admit it.

I first joined OKCupid (yes, that is the name) when I was 16. I had no intentions of dating anyone from the site, I just loved getting messages saying how pretty I was. And throughout high school that was basically what I used it for. I never really found anyone attractive at my high school, or even remotely tolerable, so online dating seemed like a good idea. At least for the confidence boost.

I didn’t rejoin the circuit until sophomore year of college when my friend found a site called Plenty of Fish (we obviously joined it just for the name). My headline for my profile was “I’ma hook, line and sink ya!” Again, I really didn’t have any interest in dating someone online; it was more of a procrastination tool than anything else. (There are a lot of hilarious weirdos out there!)Besides, I was more interested in a boy from one of my classes.

When 2010 hit, though, I started to actually take online dating seriously. I set up a real profile, responded to guys’ flirtatious emails and started going on dates. I became an online dater and while it hasn’t panned out into anything serious yet, I am glad i did. Read More »

I am in the most amazing, secure and satisfying relationship I have ever been in but there is just one so-called “problem”; after nearly a year and a half, neither of us have said, “I love you.”

Now I know what this probably sounds like to some, or possibly even most, of you. (Believe me, I see it in the facial expressions of concerned friends and hear it in the tone of their strongly worded reactions.) There is obviously a clear issue here, right? Well, actually, I’m not so sure.

Now, to be honest, I would be lying if I didn’t admit that part of me (the part that sometimes, uncontrollably slips into this cliché, fairytale, chick flick inspired way of thinking that all love stories have basically 1 of 3 plots) at times wishes one of us would just find the courage to come out and say it already. I mean, it’s been long enough! And the pressure from friends and family who act like this is the biggest thing in the world to be concerned about, only adds fuel to this flame.

However, my usual, more sane, more rational and level-headed reaction to all of this is, “Who really cares?” Is actually saying that phrase really as significant or necessary as everyone our age makes it out to be? I mean, isn’t it true that actions should speak louder than words?

We are currently in a world where nearly every word in the “relationship dictionary” is rapidly being redefined. Take the word, meaning and supposed “sacredness” of marriage, for instance. It’s being entirely altered by things like the exceptionally high divorce rate (and the never ending publicity about celebrity divorces and adultery in the press). Or what about the many different names have we come up with in the last decade to define the new, modern, complicated relationships that keep arising: open relationship, no strings attached, friends with benefits, just hooking up… the list continues. Who even knows what the proper meaning and context of monogamy and love is these days. Read More »

Far too often while dating in college we mistake little quirky qualities and pet peeves as things we can simply overlook. Perhaps we have, in the backs of our minds, the notion that dating in college these days is so non-traditional that our dating criteria can also be non-traditional. I can assure you: this is NOT the case. As we all know by now, communication is key to both progress and success, so talking about these things now will only help better your relationship in the long run. But what about those things that we don’t see? The tell-tale signs that your relationship is taking a turn for the worse, that for some reason you haven’t seemed to notice? We like to call these “red flags,” and apparently we’re pretty good at ignoring them when we don’t want to admit to the reality of things: the guy we’re dating is a complete douche and it’s time to give him the boot. To save you all the trouble (and potential heartache), I present to you the 10 red flags we tend to ignore most… Read More »