Beloved female cartoon characters like Strawberry Shortcake and Dora the Explorer have recently been the victims of “makeovers” meant to make them more appealing to today’s tweenagers. In reality, these redesigns just mean that the new versions of Dora and Strawberry have more conventionally pretty features and dress just a little bit sluttier.

And now Disney’s hopping on the makeover bandwagon, re-imagining Mickey Mouse as an angry-eyebrow-sporting curmudgeon who roams around a “cartoon wasteland,” wielding “paint and thinner thrown from a magic paintbrush” as a weapon. Seriously.

I understand why Disney is trying to give Mickey some edge—squeaky clean, anthropomorphic rodents just don’t have the same appeal that they used to. But there are tons of reasons that this gritty new version of their most well known character just isn’t going to work.

First of all, there’s the outfit—Mickey’s trademark red shorts with huge white buttons and silly yellow shoes aren’t exactly going to strike fear into the heart of, well, anyone. And outfitting Mickey in, say, a studded leather jacket and an eyebrow ring would just be wrong. Read More »

Wow, this week was a bit of a bummer. So much anticipation and a whole lot of disappointment. You’re probably thinking I deserve it. After all, I got my hopes all up about Mariah Carey and Selena Gomez, so what did I really deserve, right? But I’m still a bit let down because, yes, I was expecting a lot from Mariah. She’s had more #1 hits than any other artist in history and while I wouldn’t listen to her every day in my car, I did think I’d at least like it.

Turns out, you all might be best off just listening to Britney Spears’ new single, “Three,” this week. Or Zero 7. You may not know who they are, but they are great and they really restored my faith in music after that Mimi/Selena letdown. So, thanks, Zero 7! Read More »

This week might be the most random mix of reviews ever. Seriously, ever. I even surprised myself a bit.

I was ready to love who I already loved and hate who I wanted to hate, but that’s not at all what happened. The one album I was most excited for fell flat. And the one I barely even wanted to listen to (and would rather throw out my window) I kinda liked. A little too much. To the point where I had to force myself to turn it off.

I’m going to warn you right now: don’t listen to Ashley Tisdale if you aren’t into Disney pop music. Because you’ll probably end up enjoying it. And then feeling pretty embarrassed. Especially when you can’t get enough and want to blast it from your car and the people who pull up next to you can hear it…and judge you. Read More »

Jon Gosselin’s got a new girlfriend!

Vegetarians make better lovers.

Was Michael Jackson murdered?!

Are you a suntan addict?

Vanessa Hudgens is growing up. Awww.

Boost that Wi-Fi signal yourself.

Sarah Palin really screws Alaska.

When I was in middle school and I had to choose between two boys who wanted to take me to the 7th grade dance, my mom told me to make a list. (Mind you, that was the last time I ever had 2 boys fighting over me…) After noting that one of the boys had far more cons (like picking his nose…and eating it), I had my answer. Since then, I’ve used lists to make all of my difficult life decisions: beer or vodka, Kris Allen or Adam Lambert, flats or wedges…

And now: which celeb is worse for the future of society.

This week’s showdown is between two ladies who are tainting our youth, one racy photo at a time: Lindsay Lohan and Miley Cyrus. Who is wreaking more havoc? Let’s break it down: Read More »

Dear (See Below) Bands,

I love your music. Love, love, love. But can you maybe try to be a little less annoying? It makes it so hard to defend you when I tell my friends about my favorite artists. Actually, it makes it hard to admit to anyone that you happen to be one of them.  And I want to make them like you, really, I do. But like that friend who has a minor character flaw that now pisses you off enough that you really can’t see the good in her anymore,  I’m finding it difficult to enjoy your music knowing how annoying you are.

Here are some heart-to-heart tips from your loving (secret) admirer to be a little less annoying and a little more rock and roll.

Fall Out Boy

You always have a spot in my 6-CD player in my car. Sugar, you’ll never go down on the playlist for me if you continue to make some of the sweetest pop punk music out there. But please, Pete Wentz, I’m begging you – cut your hair, lay off the eyeliner and put on a damn shirt when you are on a magazine cover. You need to settle down – you play bass. And, um, you have a kid?

Also, Patrick, can you please enunciate your song lyrics so I can actually sing along and not just randomly open my mouth while humming the tune to look like I know what I’m singing? And what’s up with the weird syntax and bizzare punctuation in the song titles? Thnks Fr Th Confusn. I mean, e.e. Cummings was a legit poet, while you’re just… an antithesis of all semblance of reason. And grammar. My English teacher highly disapproves. Read More »

Dear PMS:

Why?
Just why?

Who do you think you are? I mean really. You come around once a month like that annoying friend you don’t really want to hear from, yet every month, without fail, she asks you for plans and you feel sort of obligated. So you give in, but then coffee turns into an all day shopping ordeal and by the end you want to tear your hair out because now not only did you learn that you can’t stand the person you are with, but  – bonus lesson! – you learned that eating cookies DOES in fact equal having to buy a size up in your jeans.

Well that’s how I feel with you. Only instead of a day, it’s 5 and the only person I can’t stand to be around is myself. (The part of the too-tight jeans rings true thanks to you making me feel the urge to eat a bag of something salty, which of course leads me to want something sweet, which then of course leads me to want a tuna sandwich. I know! I don’t get it either!)

You make me weepy. I cry at Disney commercials (true story) and when the cheesy music comes on as the lesson is learned at the end of Full House. Strike that – you make me actually want to watch Full House. Read More »

A-Rod lookin’ super hot in Details magazine.

Don’t move to one of the 10 most unhappy cities in America.

The iPhone’s getting updates!

Business students most likely to cheat.

Salma Hayek launching cosmetic line.

Forget the bottles; try boxed water.

Disney’s first African American princess causes controversy. WTF?

The Real Housewives of New Jersey? For real!?

A rise in Journalism majors? Why?

LeAnn Rimes isn’t so sweet and innocent afterall.

Learn the history of drugs at the Mexico City Drug Museum.

Don’t have time for a big workout? Try a mini one.

As 2008 draws to a close, those of us here at College Candy strive to provide you with a recap of the year in pop culture, poring over countless magazines and endless E! programs to get the full scoop of the year’s worst. In no particular order, we present to you our list of Pop Culture shiz that should forever stay in 2008.

The Pregnant Man – Thomas Beattie became the sensation of the world in April when he appeared on Oprah to defend his choice to have a child as a transgendered man. Sticking up for your beliefs? Awesome, and definitely commendable. Eventually turning into a fame slut and marketing out your second pregnancy? Not cool. Now pregnant with his second child, Beattie has already cemented a book deal on his experience and been interviewed a second time as a ‘Barbara Walters Exclusive.’ One child is a miracle. A second one immediately afterwards is a marketing scheme.

Batsh** Insane Celebrities Across The Media - Britney, Lindsey, and others: we’re talking to you. 2008 was the year of the mental millionaire, with the world playing a captive audience to the tragic, bizarre, and sometimes just eerie behavior of celebrities. We watched Britney Spears struggle to put her life back together after divorce, Lindsey Lohan battling various addictions, and Scarlett Johansson crossing the borderline into stalker-ish about Barack Obama. Here’s the real scoop: an estimated 57.7 million adults are suffering from a diagnosable mental illness in the United States alone. What makes these celebrities any different from these people who are suffering in private besides their income and the paparazzi that shadow them? Watching people suffer is definitely a trend that shouldn’t cross over into ‘09. Read More »

Midterms have passed, and yet we’re still weeks away from winter break. This week, if you’ve been feeling bored, restless, or just plain anxious for the term to end, you too may be suffering from the Fall Semester Itch! Leaving campus was just one of the alternatives we at College Candy considered, along with opting for community college and even ditching academia altogether. Hey, we’re just trying to keep our options open.

But if you’ve got The Itch, then we’ve got the remedies. College Candy prescribes a heavy dose of mindless entertainment. This week, we got all the facts on the hottest celebrity cat fights, contemplated the progression of Disney starlets to Hollywood harlots, and watched some real heavy drama on The Biggest Loser.

After a few good laughs (and maybe seeing Amy Winehouse look like a hot mess), it was time to spruce up. We relaxed our wild tresses with these tips for curly hair care, raided our closet for high-waisted pants, and upgraded our wardrobe to be sexy for winter. And once we got the dirt on down-n-dirty hookups, we were all prepared for a night on the town.

If all this hasn’t relieved that Fall Semester Itch, this week we also looked longingly to Thanksgiving (with this pumpkin pie recipe) and brainstormed ideas for holiday gifts! With this week in the books, the excitement of the holiday season lurks right around the corner!